by Jake McMillan
JM: Mr Alonso, always good to see you. How are you feeling about the upcoming season?
FA: Jake, you can call me Ferdie, you know this [touches my leg]
JM: I told you! [removes hand] Not whilst we are working.
FA: But Jake baby, you know you make my inner bull crazy [tries to touch leg again but JM smacks it] okay, I am looking forward to this season as much as I am looking to forward to our sexy time.
FA: I love it when my little torito gets all angry … okay, Jake baby, I tell you, then we do boom boom. I was pleased how things went at the test in Jerez, we got through all our testing programme and understand better how to set up the car.
JM: A lot of people say the stepped platypus nose of this year’s Ferrari is rather unnattractive.
FA: Well, some say this, but then my nose is not that pretty and I am super quick and I know you think I am beautiful, don’t you? My little torito baby.
JM: Fernando! Do you think this year’s championship will be closer than last year’s?
FA: Absolutely. Red Bull will be quick of course, but because we don’t have blown diffusers I expect McLaren, Red Bull, Ferrari and Mercedes all to be very close. Even some other teams may be up there. Lotus looked quick straight out of the box.
JM: With the return of Kimi Raikkonen at Lotus, there will be 6 World Champions on the grid. Does this make it more exciting?
FA: Not quite as exciting as your cheeky face, my little torito, but yes very much. We are in a golden era of Formula 1 with many top level drivers. It will make it difficult to win, but then you get the greatest satisfaction from achieving a great result against the greatest competition.
JM: Will Ferrari win at the first Grand Prix at Australia?
FA: I hope so, we will try very hard. … Can we finish now? Me have horn of giant bull.
JM: Sure, get your pants off.